Wedding Messages

Deprecatory messages

from disappointed, uninvited guests around the world

We’re normally the guests at every major event,
And, if invited, would have come in a trice,
I would have given you a gorgeous Armani dress,
So, hard cheddar!
David Beckham & 'Posh' Spice'.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re getting married.
I wanted you foot loose and fancy free
You know I employ only the very, very best
And I wanted you to work here for me!
Alan Sugar – 'Apprentice' Mogul.

This has to be the very worst day of my life.
I’m reduced to desolation and tears,
And so mortified at having to lose you.
Now who’s going to polish my porcelain veneers?
Simon Cowell.

I'm desolated that you’ve chosen another,
My heart is left with a permanent bruise,
In my platform shoes I came up to your waist,
But did it really matter?
Tom Cruise.

Have you taken leave of your senses?
Have you become just a little bit dense?
If you don’t carry on coaching me at Badminton,
I’m going to fall at the very first fence!
Zara Phillips. (World Equestrian Champion)

And finally - an intriguing local message.

Oh! Our dear Jo!
You should have said no!
We’re all going to shout and scream,
We’ve adored you from the very beginning.
Every member of your netball team!

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