Life's Bitter Moment.

When I sit down and think, in the twilight of life,

Of the most desperate things I have done,

My mind latches on to that moment in time,

When I tried to say goodbye to my son.

A very bitter and heart-rending moment.

Words failed me and wouldn’t pass my tongue.

He sat there, trusting, he couldn’t understand me.

After all he was so very young.

I tried to tell him that I had to leave him.

And that I would love him, for evermore

And that I would try to be there when he needed me

And keep the wolves away from his door.

Through him I talked to my daughters

For I had two lovely daughters as well.

I was walking from them to another life.

And to do it I put them through hell.

My girls were a little bit older

And they must have been taken apart

By losing their father is such a bizarre way

Whom they’d held so close to their heart.

Don’t misunderstand me;  it was entirely my fault,

Ambition and selfishness and greed.

Unable to retain a normal mode of life,

With a burning desire to succeed.

But coupled with that was a carelessness,

I simply failed to realise that I,

Couldn’t take everything for granted,

Although I’d given it a very good try.

My crass behaviour changed a number of lives

Of those who trusted and depended upon me.

I caused them pain, tears and desolation,

By reason of my infidelity.

I realise that I let my first family down,

And particularly feel that my son,

Was the one hit hardest by all these events

And he didn’t understand what I’d done.

I was never there to talk to him,

Or guide him in masculine ways

Or give him a helping hand, as he grew

And I’ll regret it for the rest of my days.

But, suddenly, you are hit by an obvious fact.

There’s no going back to where you once were.

You can’t mend broken bridges or restore the status quo.

It’s a tragic situation that you cannot defer.

Of course I’ve been happy in my second life.

But I didn’t behave well,  even then,

If it hadn’t been for the stoicism of my second wife,

I would have gone through the same process again!

Is it only me or are all males the same?

Do we always have to conquer and prevail?

Can’t we be content with what we have got?

Or is immorality the prerogative of the male?

My second wife has put up with me

Because she is one of the best.

But my guilt, my remorse, and my eternal pain,

Has, for a lifetime, gnawed in my breast.

So, my families, if you ever read this

I ask forgiveness for all I’ve not done

For not being there when you needed me most

And for deserting you Jem, my only son.

I have loved you all, in my own special way

And hold you all so close to my heart.

I’m just not very good at expressing myself.

Even more so, when time approaches to depart.

I will try to look down, that’s if I’ve gone up,

And keep a close eye on you all.

So when you’re despondent and need a kind touch,

I’ll try to respond to your call.

And now a loving word to each one of you,

Whether my son, my daughter or wife.

I beg you, don’t think too badly of me.

When I've taken leave of this life.

By Ree Morse.

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